we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
