my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
