yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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