wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
