Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
