Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
