Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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