it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
