i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
