Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
