There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
