You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
