he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
