I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
