hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
