Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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