Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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