first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am naked and annoyed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
