; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
