i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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