the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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