Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
