It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
