i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
