i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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