She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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