dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
