Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
