So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
