all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
