Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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