Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
