12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
