Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
