I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
