her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
tell me about the fingering
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