the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
