Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
