I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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