My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
