Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
