Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
