I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
