The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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