and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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