can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
