there's paper in my vomit.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize