i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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