Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
