Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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