You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
