I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
