i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
