In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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